Friday, March 17, 2006

The Nessman Factor

This pop-culture comparison's too good to pass up:

Bill O'Reilly on his radio show, March 10, 2006:

"You know, in a sane world, every country would unite against Iran and blow it off the face of the earth. That would be the sane thing to do."

Les Nessman talking about Iran on his WKRP radio show, February 14, 1981:

...And blow the whole country, oil fields and all, right off the map. ... We could take out Iraq, too, then apologize and say it was just a typographical error."

It's Les Nessman's world now, and we just live in it.

Other great Nessman quotes:

"German measles. Russian flu. Montezuma's revenge. And why do we say a foreign word whenever someone sneezes? Tomorrow I'll take a look at swine flu, up close and personal."

"America? Who was that lady I saw you with last night? Could it have been the sweet seductress known as the Communist conspiracy? Was it she who stood under the streetlights, luring the farm boys with her broad shoulders? Beware! Think about it! "

"And finally, did you know that only a miraculous set of circumstances makes life here on Earth possible? For instance, the planet's size is just exactly right to hold our atmosphere. The atmosphere contains just enough oxygen to support life. And our distance from the sun is just perfect for the right temperature. Should there be even a trivial change in any of these conditions, all life here on Earth would certainly be obliterated in a matter of milliseconds. This is Les Nessman saying good day, and may the good news be yours.

"In a situation like this, I always ask myself, what would my hero Edward R. Murrow think? And I think that Ed would think that this was censorship. Then I think about what my other hero, General George Patton, would think, and I think George would think that radio and television ought to be cleaned up, and if he were alive today, he'd take two armoured calvalry divisions into Hollywood and knock all those liberal pinheads into the Pacific! So as you can see, I'm a very confused man. And when I get confused, I watch TV. Television is never confusing. It's all so simple somehow. "

Or as Les's announcement tape put it: "This has been Les Nessman, whose views do represent the views of this station."

No comments: