Sunday, December 24, 2006

Razzle Dazzle 'Em

It may be a display of narcissism, but I've been looking through the posts I used to write on usenet in the late '90s. I loved usenet posting, in some ways more than blogging; a good newsgroup felt like a true community of like-minded people. A blog, even with comments, isn't communitarian, and a message board doesn't have quite the same spirit.

Anyway, part of the fun of usenet was creative stuff -- fan fiction, song parodies, and more -- and I'm surprised to find how much of that kind of thing I wrote for usenet, especially Most of it makes no sense out of the context of the show's fan base, but there was one thing, a parody of "All that Jazz" from Chicago, that I think still holds up pretty well. It was originally written to be sung in-character by Slappy Squirrel, but with one or two changes it works as a generalized song about cartoon violence and cartoon logic. So here it is, as part of my recycling drive.

Look at that, a stick of TNT.
(And all those jokes!)
It seems the villain hopes it might demolish me--
(And all those jokes!)
All I do is pick it up and throw.
And now I'm safe and sound, but where'd the villain go?
He really ought to learn: If there's one thing I know,
It's all those jokes!

Over here, oh, isn't this a shock!
(And all those jokes!)
Why, it's a phoney door that's painted on a rock!
(And all those jokes!)
I go in, and it's a real-life door,
The villain has a try, and it's a rock once more.
It's violent gag X-8, and it's been done before,
Like all those jokes!

Oh, the villain's sawing off the branch I'm on!
And all those jokes!
Oh, the branch is staying there, the tree is gone!
And all those jokes!
Now he's got a way to trick me!
Wow, he's got a dog to sic me!
He'll get lots
Of rabies shots
From all those jokes!

Here's a fact he won't be learning soon:
(And all those jokes!)
He's gonna get the knocks, I'm gonna be immune.
(And all those jokes!)
Though his wounds will all be quickly healed,
He's up against a law that never gets repealed,
'Cause it's the cartoon law, and it'll be my shield
In all those jokes.
Oh, he's trying that!
And oh, he's lying flat!
And all


Anonymous said...

What a pleasure to see one of the old parodies brought back.
I was a little too young to really get into the a.t.a! community back in the day... but not for want of trying.
Who was Sally Smith? Where is she now? And was she really the knockout everybody said she was?

VP81955 said...

Usenet had some great stuff. At one of the sites, I forget which one, there was discussion of reports that a Broadway musical based on "Citizen Kane" would be made, and someone created lyrics to a "song" titled "I Think It Would Be Fun To Run A Newspaper." It was hilarious; you could imagine someone like Rex Harrison or Robert Preston performing it as comic relief. I wish I had copied it.

Jaime J. Weinman said...

I went searching for that Citizen Kane song and was totally surprised to find that I wrote it. I didn't remember it at all. But here it is:

I think it would be fun to run a newspaper,
That would be a grand thing to do.
My paper could report on wars,
And if the nation's short on wars,
Then I could be the smart one
Who'd start one or two!

He thinks it would be fun to run a newspaper,
Aren't these very fine goings-on!
The fortune I made strong for him
Will not last very long for him;
He'll spend and blow and spill it
Until it is gone!

If Charlie starts running some newspapers,
That could be fine for his friends,
As long as he doesn't abuse papers
For his own unethical ends.
(I'm so moral!)

I think it would be fun to run a newspaper,
Editing and having my say--

To the masses he will pander,
Printing gossip, lies and slander--

He'll get safer, he'll get blander--

He'll print Commie propagander--

But no mission could be grander
Than the one that's on its way:
I think it would be fun to run a newspaper,
Twenty-four hours a day!