Saturday, April 04, 2009

Grudge Match: Grudge M*A*S*H

It's a regular M*A*S*H-up as three characters from the early seasons team up to fight the three characters who were brought in to replace them. (With the first team, we're talking about the TV versions, not the original movie versions.)

Team One

Trapper John McIntyre (Wayne Rogers), Frank Burns (Larry Linville), Henry Blake (McLean Stevenson)


Team Two

B.J. Hunnicutt (Mike Farrell), Charles Winchester (David Ogden "Dropped after the pilot of Charlie's Angels" Stiers), Sherman Potter (Harry Morgan).

Hawkeye was originally going to be the referee, but both teams got so tired of his preaching about the evils of violence that they buried him under a pile of rocks that spelled out "GOODBYE." Now there is no referee and no rules, just two teams of three and a desperate desire to show who's really in charge at the 4077th.

Which set of sitcom surgeons will slaughter the second set?


Anthony Strand said...

The second set wins easily, on account of Frank is a buffoon, Henry's oblivious to what's going on around him, and Trapper (while he might be technically a better fight than BJ) is just kind of lazy.

Sure, Potter's an old man, but Charles is probably a brillian strategist. I could see them coming up with something where they all get to use their strengths.

Justin said...

Anthony is unfortunately correct. Potter's old, but he's tough as fuck, while Henry's a drunk.

Charles has a substantial size advantage over Frank.

Trapper might have the edge over BJ (I recall some sort of boxing episode, but can't actually remember what happened). Even here, though, there is a substantial possibility that Trapper will be sloshed, which might allow BJ to get the best of him.

Brent McKee said...

A further thought: BJ and Trapper are a fairly even match but maybe give the edge to Trapper.

TV Henry (as opposed to movie Henry who was regular army) is more of a lover than a fighter while Potter was not only a doctor but a fighting soldier (cavalry) who was in his third war and would probably put one of his highly polished cavalry boots up Henry's thoroughly unmilitary butt.

This leaves us with Charles vs. Frank. Charles is bigger than Frank and smarter than Frank (no great achievement - a canteloupe is smarter than Frank). Frank's principal strategy would probably amount to hiding behind Margaret (or Hot Lips as she was known when Frank was with the unit). This might prove to be a problem since a Winchester never hits a woman but this woman would have no qualms about hitting a Winchester! However Margaret might be resistant to Frank's "advances" to retreat and might just as soon deck him.

In fact the actual winner of this donnybrook would probably be Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan who is tougher than the lot of them.

John said...

I give it to Group 1 because of the hidden asset of Sgt. Zale winning out over Sgt. Rizzo.