Thursday, October 30, 2008

Grudge Match: Pinky vs. the Brain

This was one I was always hoping the original Grudge Match site would do, but no (though they did do Pinky and the Brain vs. Dogbert). So I put it to you: If Pinky and The Brain from the cartoon of the same name were to fight each other, who would win?

Brain has the advantage of greater intelligence, and he's successfully landed punches on Pinky on numerous occasions. But he's totally unable to see the flaws in his plans; every episode has Pinky pointing out some kind of problem with Brain's plan ("Oh, wait, no, no..."). Pinky, on the other hand, usually succeeds at what he tries because he doesn't over-think and over-plan. So I'd have to give this to Pinky, who will simply drop something heavy on Brain after Brain's electro-magnetic Pinky-destroying gizmo backfires.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

How does this apply to Tuesday's election?

Plato said...

"But he's totally unable to see the flaws in his plans; every episode has Pinky pointing out some kind of problem with Brain's plan ("Oh, wait, no, no...")."

Well, yeah, problems like, "Oh, wait, no — we're practically the size of mice!" or "Oh, wait, no — if we seize control of the Swiss army, where will people get their pocket knives?!?"

"If Pinky and The Brain from the cartoon of the same name were to fight each other, who would win?"

Egad, brilliant, Jaime! Oh, wait, no — why would Pinky and the Brain want to hurt each other? Pinky wouldn't want to hurt anyone, and Brain's whole vocation is to make the world a better place. Sure, he occasionally needs to discipline Pinky for his own good, but he also relies on Pinky's help. (Grudgingly, I admit, but he wouldn't hold a grudge against Pinky; he can't help being stupid, and Brain knows that.)

"So I'd have to give this to Pinky, who will simply drop something heavy on Brain after Brain's electro-magnetic Pinky-destroying gizmo backfires."

I'd say more that Pinky usually succeeds through dumb luck, emphasis on the "dumb". Also, we have to acknowledge that it doesn't take much to make Pinky happy — if he gets his head stuck through a hole in the drywall, it's all a fun-fun silly-willy game to him, after all — so "success" on Pinky's terms sets the bar pretty low. Besides, how heavy an object could Pinky drop, anyway? (He's practically the size of a mouse!) And Brain's gizmo would work fine until Pinky backfired it.

BRAIN: Pinky, help me move the Gyroscopic Radioactive Ultrasonic Disruptor Generating Engine into place so that I can annihilate you.
PINKY: Righty-o, Brain! ~Unnnh!~ Narf, this is hard to get a grip on, Brain!
BRAIN: You've never had a grip, Pinky.
PINKY: Oh, wait, I'll just grab it by this handy sticky-out thingy!
BRAIN: Pinky! No! That's the on-swi— YAAAAAUURRRRGGGHHHHH!!!
PINKY: Egad, Brain, sorry! I hope you won't hold a grudge against me for this.


-David "Oh, wait, no" Green

Plato said...

"How does this apply to Tuesday's election?"

BRAIN: In order to win the presidency, Pinky, I have come up with a comprehensive plan for restructuring the economy, strengthening national security, and developing sustainable health-care.

PINKY: Egad, Brain, brilliant! Oh, wait, no — if you're going to run for president you'll need a catchy slogan. Let's see... hm... — I've got it! "We're the change that changes the change you're changing!"

BRAIN: If we were not already laboratory mice, I would donate your brain to science, Pinky.


-David "None of the above" Green

Andrew Leal said...

Actually, they almost did a Pinky vs. the Brain episode. One of the later episodes. Pinky feels bad for Brain, so to help him realize his heart's desire in time for his birthday, he invites all of the world leaders of the time to a pizza party (including Yeltsin doing a wacky dance).

Brain devlops a paranoid obsession that Pinky wants to take over the world for himself (with even less justification than most "wacky mistaken conclusions" plots). Pinky, just by being Pinky, throws a great party and convinces the leaders of the world to willingly let Pinky's good, kind, wise friend take over.

Then Brain bursts in, behaving jealously and childishly and inexplicably dressed like Richard Simmons. Naturally nobody would trust Richard Simmons to rule the world. So Pinky, through simple and direct means, had gained Brain control of the world, but Brain lost it all. It was probably one of the better episodes from the last few seasons (low points that come to mind include a Christopher Walken clone in a strawboater or the weird "time travel causes a Zsa Zsa Gabor-sounding ant queen to take over the world instead" and countless other signs the show and premise were running out of steam).

So yeah, really, if they ever fought each other in earnest, Pinky would win out. Not that likely, though.

Plato said...

Oh, that wasn't Christopher Walken, it was Patrick McGoohan. I guess that story would make more sense if you were familiar with The Prisoner. I also liked "Brain of the Future" — it was weird, but it's also one of the few time-travel stories that doesn't end up tangled in contradictions.

The series fared remarkably well in that it never really had any bad episodes — just good stories that pale in comparison to the great ones. Even "Inherit the Wheeze", despite its eye-rolling preachiness, has lots of funny stuff.

Of course, I had forgotten about "Plan Brain from Outer Space", which I just saw again this weekend. Although it suffers from being edited together out of a different show, it still manages to be relatively entertaining.

-David "Be seeing you" Green