Who wins a knock-down, drag-out brawl between two characters who are more used to getting knocked down and dragged out: Irwin "Skippy" Handelman (Marc Price, Family Ties), a socially-awkward idiot constantly made fun of by his cooler, cuter friends, vs. Samuel "Screech" Powers (Dustin Diamond, Saved By the Bell), a socially-awkward idiot constantly made fun of by his cooler, cuter friends?
I would specify that neither of these guys can ask their friends for help, but, really, their so-called friends aren't going to help them anyway. (Well, Alex and Mallory sometimes helped Skippy, but they would be worse than useless in a fight.)
And while it might seem that the obvious grudge match is Urkel vs. Screech, the problem with that matchup is that it's no matchup at all: Urkel is a scientific genius, a walking weapon of mass destruction, and has the ability to transform himself into Bruce Lee. At least Screech has a fighting chance against Skippy.