Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Grudge Match: The Fonz vs. Captain Kirk

Captain James T. Kirk and Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli are both transported to a planet populated entirely by beautiful women. (Since that describes half the planets Kirk visited, it isn't really necessary to describe it further.) They are ordered to fight to the death, to the accompaniment of Star Trek fight music. They can hide from each other, use any weapons and, of course, prevail upon their girlfriends of the week to save them.

Who will win the fight between Kirk, the iconic TV hero and inexplicable babe-magnet of the '60s, and Fonzie, the iconic TV hero and inexplicable babe-magnet of the '70s?

I'm going for Fonzie as he simply has the kind of powers that Kirk cannot overcome. His confrontation with Mork (back when Mork was much more powerful than he was on his own series) showed him to be one of the most all-powerful beings in the universe. When Kirk goes up against someone like that, he usually is on the brink of losing until the creature's father shows up and gets him. But Fonzie has no father. So Kirk's screwed.

Besides, Fonzie's nemesis was named Officer Kirk. And Fonzie always beat him. Coincidence?

On the other hand, it's been pointed out that if Kirk's shirt gets ripped, he becomes essentially invincible. And it could be argued that Kirk's track record with women is superior to Fonzie's, since Fonzie usually gets non-speaking extras while Kirk scores with full-fledged guest stars like Angelique Pettyjohn or Marianna Hill.

6 comments:

Jorge Garrido said...

Dude, until we've settled the Goku vs. Superman debate, the Wolverine vs. Batman debate, and the Raymond Jardine vs. Rootbeer Racinette debate, I hardly think it matters who would win.

Thad K said...

Speaking of the Fonz, he's going to be at the Mid-Atlantic Nostalgia Convention next September... Hopefully!

J Lee said...

I say it ends up like that episode where Kirk and the Klingon captain end up laughing at some entity that feeds off hate in order to drive him off the Enterprise -- you'd end up with the captain and the Fonz uniting at the end to defeat some third party force of evil (my guess is Chachi possessed by some evil alien life force) and then divide up the hot female guest stars before the fade-out (of course, Spock could take all the women for himself, since his neck pinch and mind-melt are on the same level as Fonzie's ability to bang-start juke boxes).

Toby said...

I like J Lee's idea - Chachi possessed by Redjac, who probably already attacked Leather Tuscadero and the daughter of Kodos the Executioner....

Rob the Webkahunah said...

I think that this blog entry is probably the best comparison of Kirk and Fonzie I have ever read.
Good Job!

Logtar said...

I take the Fonz, and Goku and Batman... the batman is easy, he would take Wolverine to an abandoned junk yard and use a huge magnet.