Wherever We Went, They Loved Us

One of the great American flop musicals, The Golden Apple (the subject of an excellent introductory essay by Erik Haagensen), takes place right after the Spanish-American War. This is a war with an uncomfortable number of parallels to the current conflict, though it was more successful. And in the introductory song for Ulysses, lyricist John Latouche draws a funny and biting portrait of soldiers who are still not quite aware that the rest of the world doesn't see them the way they see themselves:

It was a glad adventure,
The Philippine scene was so sweet.
Them wee eager roots
In their birthday suits
Made life just a Sunday School treat.
Wherever we went, they loved us,
So dazzled they were with our charms.
The folks in them lands
Ate right out of our hands,
But why do they chew off the arms?
Oh, why do they chew off the arms?

The same held true in Cuba,
When gaily we bombshelled a port.
Though harsh blows were dealt
By Ted Roosevelt,
They knew it was only in sport.
Wherever we went, they loved us,
They tucked us in rose-petal beds.
They welcomed our troops
With their dances and whoops,
But why do they shrink our heads?
Oh, why do they shrink our heads?

Oh, Theodore, oh, Theodore,
The Roosevelt that we adore!

Wherever we went, they loved us,
They cheered when they saw us arrive.
They loved us so much,
Their affection was such
We're lucky to get home alive.
Oh, we're lucky to get home alive.

LaTouche was one of the great American lyricists and opera librettists, whose career was cut short by a heart attack at the age of 41; The Golden Apple, an insanely ambitious, dialogue-free musical transplanting the story of The Odyssey to turn-of-the-century America, is his masterpiece, but it's never received a major revival or even a complete recording.