(Tune: "Love Potion # 9")
I took my troubles to the Emperor's Club,
For understanding and a special rub.
They gave me a form and a questionnaire to sign,
And told me that my title was "Love Client # 9."
I said to Kristen: "I'm a fool for love,
And incidentally, I am not the gov.
I don't like corruption, except, of course, for mine,
And honey, please address me as 'Love Client # 9.'"
I bent down, and turned around, and felt in the pink,
I thought my store of worries would continue to shrink,
But then those stupid wiretaps uncovered the link.
The papers and the late-night hosts all made a stink.
I'm kind of angry at the New York Times.
They ought to cover more important crimes.
But if things get bad and they force me to resign,
I'll run again with my new name: "Love Client # 9."