Monday, January 10, 2005

The Blog of Isaiah

January 1, 2000 B.C.

So it's time for my annual New Year's predictions.

First, while this isn't strictly a prediction for the New Year, I'll stick out my neck and say that we are due for a Messiah sometime. I know that's not what the MSP (Mainstream Prophets) are telling you, but my sources tell me that a woman is going to conceive, and call him Imman'u-el.

In more current predictions, I think this is the year that every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low: and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough places plain. Expect the culture wars to get worse as the environmentalists object to God's plan to cut down all those mountains, while the right-wingers demand that the valleys be kept in place until they finish their mining operations. My question: can't we all get along without partisan bickering?

Update: Elijah disagrees with me on the "Imman'u-el" thing but otherwise backs up my Messiah prediction.

Take all this with a grain of salt, of course, but I think my track record is at least as good as the big network prophets.

Posted by: Isaiah at 9:02 a.m.

January 2, 2000 B.C.

Ecclesiastes has an interesting post up today on the issue of whether achievement is merit-based. He argues that "the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill."

I don't know that I buy the argument, honestly. Achievement can't be completely random or else complete slowpokes would win races; you've got to have at least some swiftness. When Ecclesiastes starts writing like this, he gets too nihilistic for my tastes, too close to Jeremiah territory. But he's always worth reading. I agree with his other point about a live dog being better than a dead lion, though that's mostly because I love dogs and wouldn't keep a lion around the house.

I keep meaning to "Fisk" the last song of songs from King Solomon, but I haven't had time yet. I'll just say this: I like sex as much as the next guy, but it's not the answer to everything, Solomon.

Posted by: Isaiah at 8:35 pm

January 3, 2000 B.C.

Update from God: I asked him "how long?" And He said that it'll be until the cities are wasted without inhabitant, and the houses without man, and the land is utterly desolate.

I think God is overly pessimistic, frankly. He's been reading too much of the MSP reports, with their doom and gloom. My question: why doesn't anyone report on the good news coming out of the world? Answer: because bad news sells tickets to the Temple. That's what's great about the blogosphere, that we're here to tell you that things might get better without the cities having to be wasted without inhabitant. You won't hear it from God, but you're hearing it from me.

Posted by: Isaiah at 5:22 p.m.

January 4, 2000 B.C.

Some people have called me a "warprophet" or "warpropheteer" because of my hawkish stance on Assyria. Well, I'm proud to take the title of warpropheteer, in a good cause. Assyria is a menace and must be destroyed, or at least disarmed of all its idols. If we start by cutting down the thickets of the forest, as I advocated last week, we can get in and get out reasonably quickly. I hope the King is listening to this.

I was rough on God in my last post, but I'm happy to say that he sees the issue the way I do. He writes to me: "I will break the Assyrian in my land, and upon my mountains tread him under foot: then shall his yoke depart from off them, and his burden depart from off their shoulders. This is the purpose that is purposed upon the whole earth: and this is the hand that is stretched out upon all the nations."

Indeed, God. Indeed.

Posted by: Isaiah at 11:40 p.m.

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